What I Seek to Live By...

What I Seek to Live By...

By Norm Lowry

"Many waters cannot quench Love; Floods cannot drown it". (Song of Songs 8: 7)

“Since Jesus went through everything you're going through and more; learn to think like him. Think of your sufferings as a weaning from that old sinful habit of always expecting to get your own way. Then you'll be able to live out your days free to pursue what God wants instead of being tyrannized by what you want.” (I Peter 4: 1-2)

“We are now His broken things. But remember how He has used broken things: the broken pitchers of Gideon's little army, the broken roof through which the paralyzed man was lowered to be healed, the broken alabaster box which shed its fragrance abroad and the broken body of our Savior.

Let us ask Him to take our broken hearts and to press upon them further suffering to give us a poignant realization of the suffering of the world. Let us ask Him to show us the endless, hopeless river of lost souls. This will break our hearts anew; but when it happens, God can use us at last.” (Martha Snell Nicholson)

I seek to be a person “who is jealous of none; who is a fount of mercy; who is without egotism; who is selfless; who treats alike cold & heat, happiness & misery; who is ever forgiving; who is always contented; whose resolutions are firm; who has dedicated mind & soul to God; who causes no dread; who is not afraid of others; who is free from exultation, sorrow & fear; who is pure; who is versed in action yet remains unaffected by it; who renounces all fruit, good or bad; who treats friend & foe alike; who is untouched by respect or disrespect; who is not puffed up by praise; who does not go under when people speak ill of him; who loves silence & solitude; and who has a disciplined reason”. (Mohandas K Gandhi)

“We are all born & someday we’ll all die…to some degree alone. What if our aloneness isn’t a tragedy? What if our aloneness is what allows us to speak the truth without being afraid? What if our aloneness is what allows us to adventure; to experience the world as a dynamic presence—as a changeable, interactive thing?” (Rachel Corrie)

A Safe, Healing Environment is one in which:

• Attention and effort are given to fostering personal choice and responsibility for growth and life through relationships. (…not where attention and effort are given to maintaining conformity to rules and external performance).

• People seek and experience personal forgiveness, reconciliation and redemption through difficult circumstances. (…not where people hold secrets from one another and harbor resentments through difficult circumstances).

• People can give full, authentic expression both to their successes in life and faith and to their failures and the consequent effects of those choices. (…not where people speak only of their successes, what they accomplish, what they are achieving, and fear being exposed for their weaknesses and failures).

• People are encouraged to accept personal responsibility for their growth, bringing them to complete and personal accountability for all their life choices. (…not where people do only what they are told to do, do nothing at all, or do what they want regardless of what others think or say).

• People practice complete accountability, without receiving judgment or being shown partiality, which in turn brings healing, change and inner transformation. (…not where people do only what is observed and on the surface, according to the direction of the authority over them, bringing internal stagnation and external conformity).

• People embrace the weakness and brokenness existing in each of us, all of us being equally sinful before a Holy God. (…not where people are concerned only with the rightness, justness, and fairness of what is due). (Charles Romanic)

Implementing a Safe, Healing Environment involves:

• Coming to understand and practice true Biblical grace as opposed to lenient inaction or Pharisaic judgment.

• Walking toward a full understanding of my Identity in Christ and how that impacts my life.

• Using Christ-likeness as the model for all my behavior.

• Practicing Self-evaluation of both my choices and matters of the heart.

• Initiating full accountability without resorting to powering, authority, punishment, or judgment.

• Eliminating roadblocks that violate or limit a person’s ability to choose what they want, allowing them to take personal responsibility for their choices and decision-making process. (Cash Lowe & Curt Floski)

Reality Therapy Principles:

• Focus on the present and avoid discussing the past because all human problems are caused by unsatisfying present relationships.

• Avoid discussing symptoms and complaints as much as possible since these are often the ineffective ways that we choose to deal with (and hold on to) unsatisfying relationships.

• Understand the concept of total behavior, which means focus on what we can do directly; act and think. Spend less time on what we cannot do directly; that is, changing our feelings and physiology. Feelings and physiology can be changed indirectly, but only if there is a change in the acting and thinking.

• Avoid criticizing, blaming and/or complaining. By doing this, we learn to avoid these extremely harmful external control behaviors that destroy relationships.

• Remain non-judgmental and non-coercive, but be encouraged to judge all I am doing by the Choice Theory axiom: Is what I am doing getting me closer to the people I need? If the choice of behaviors is not getting people closer, then I will work to find new behaviors that lead to a better connection.

• Legitimate or not, excuses stand directly in the way of my making needed connections.

• Focus on the source of the problem: disconnectedness. If I have been disconnected for a long time, it will be difficult to reconnect. If I am involved in the symptom I am choosing, I can easily lose sight of the fact that I need to reconnect.

• Focus on specifics. Find out as soon as possible who I am disconnected from and work to choose reconnecting behaviors. If I am completely disconnected, focus on finding a new connection.

• Make specific, workable plans to reconnect with the people I need, and then follow through on what was planned by evaluating my progress. My plan is always open to revision. (William Glasser)

Broken Dreams

I do not hold my broken dreams and cling to them & weep
Beseeching God to mend them now.
I give them back to Him from whom they came
And a secret Joy lightens all my days
And long, sweet nights I dream
Of how it fares with them in Heaven.
I fill my little day with little tasks.
I give the best I have to him who asks.
Years that are full more quickly pass.

Someday,
The stars will shine
The flowers bloom
And, all the winds blow sweet.

Someday,
In heaven's golden dawning
Will tender angels give them back to me
My Broken Dreams
Unbroken then
All loveliness
Complete! (Martha Snell Nicholson)